How to spot someone who says they’re trying to help but actually isn’t

The business world can be a bit of a minefield, especially as a one-woman show. It can feel like no matter what you do, you’re failing at everything and the plates aren’t spinning, they’re crashing to the floor. When someone reaches out and says they want to help the sense of relief will be enormous, but not everyone who says they’re trying to help actually wants what’s best for you. Here’s how to spot those people.

Fools gold
If the things they’re telling you sound too good to be true, they probably are. Sorry to burst your bubble. Unfortunately there is no “quick fix” for conquering the business world so anyone who tells you that through their course/one-to-one coaching/other-thing you’ll be instantly transformed and able to bill millions of pounds a year… is probably vastly overexaggerating. Their thing maybe be able to help but it’s incredibly unlikely to transform your business overnight. Either way, the reason you’re ready to fork out for their thing should be because it’s right for you, not because they’ve convinced you your world will end without it. Ignore the FOMO and find a fabulous course/coach/other-thing that genuinely resonates and aligns with your values. You’ll enjoy it way more and will be hitting your goals in no time.

The humblebrag
Call me old-fashioned, but anyone who regularly brags about how much of a nice person they are probably isn’t. It seems kinda disingenuous to me. There’s a difference between someone who shares client wins and testimonials to provide social proof, and someone who claims to be a “nice person” with zero proof expecting you to take them at their word. Sharing social proof is an excellent business strategy, it’s kinda the modern-day word of mouth. Sharing humblebrags about how amazing you are, with zero ability to back it up, is kinda slimy. Do you want to work with a slime-monster? No. Of course not. So if such a person does cross your path telling you to work with them because they’ll help you hit 6 figures in 2 seconds flat, ask for some credentials. I bet they’ll slither off as quickly as they slithered in. Find someone with fantastic reviews and testimonials to work with and you’ll be on to a winner.

Where did you come from?
People who say they’re trying to help but actually aren’t, usually poof into existence, seemingly from nowhere. Watch out for them lurking silently, waiting for you to show signs of not-being-sure before hitting up your DMs. A quick hello will be followed up with an explanation as to how their thing is the answer to all your prayers and you should sign up instantly. Another good place to spot them is popping up as a follower, sending you a DM packed with sales techniques (more on this later) and then disappearing when you turn them down. The people who really want to help will be showing up and supporting you regularly.

Negging
If you’ve never heard of this frankly gross dating term, I envy you. Negging is the practice of putting someone down in order to emotionally manipulate them into doing the thing you want them to do. It was originally created by pickup artists, so is naturally awful, but it’s also something a growing number of so-called “business coaches” have started advocating. They encourage students to reel you in initially with the promise of something free and then start upselling from there.

Except they provide absolutely no value and make you feel like crap for trying to unsubscribe. A particular favourite of mine, and I swear this is true, was one “coach” who sent me an email after I’d unsubscribed from his mailing list saying, “To be honest, I’m not sure why the hell you’d ever want to unsubscribe from this VIP newsletter… But if you’re really adamant on never hitting 6 figs as a freelancer then the unsub link is at the bottom”. Negging at it’s very finest, ladies and gentlemen. Not only does it make it seem like his way is the only way to achieve this goal (not one I hold btw, my lifegoal is decidedly humbler), it’s also intended to create severe FOMO. Not the one. There are loads of people out there providing real value so find one of them and follow or subscribe to get their pearls of wisdom.

Slippery DMs
You almost definitely don’t need me to tell you that unexpected DM sliding-into is the number 1 way to spot someone who says they’re trying to help but definitely isn’t. I’m not talking about the normal kind of DM conversations you’ll have with followers about posts etc, I’m talking about the kind of DM-sliding reminiscent of thirsty f-boys. They appear from nowhere, start with a lame “How are you?” and within three sentences are pitching you their latest earth-shattering offer. Bonus points if they call it “a total game-changer”. You’ll know the real people who want to help because if they do drop into your DM’s they’ll have something positive and helpful to say, expecting nothing in return.

There is gold out there
There definitely are people out there who can add huuuuggggeeee value to your business and I promise, the lurky-gremlins are few and far between. By knowing what to look out for you’ll be able to make them go away before they can make you feel like you’re doing horribly at this whole owning a business thing.

Newsflash.

You’re doing fabulously and definitely don’t need fake help. Find people who align with your values and connect with them, they’re the real nice ones. Y’know, the kind who would never in a million years describe themselves as “a good person” because they’re too busy thinking of ways to be awesome to other humans. Fill your feed and inbox with these kind of people and you’re on to a winner.